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hello, erm… are you?



yeah, yeah. ‘ello.

nice to finally meet.

yeah it is.

are you ok at the bar, or…

oh, yeah the bar’s great



so. shall we get something to drink?

are you happy with red wine?

yeah. whatevs for me. any preference on your side…?

well, a Chianti if they have it, or a Primitivo?

oh, you know yeh wines, don’cha? shall we just get a bottle of the house red?

oh. alright. fine.

so, how’ve ya been?

yes, well. and you?

oh busy. real busy. with social life, work and that…

and what is it that you do?

manager at a call center…


and you?

i’m a writer actually. journalist.

oh right. very exciting.

yes, i like it. just about pays the bills.

anything i would know?

freelance mainly. but i write for The Times, Guardian…

oh blimey. high flyer then.

but i’m working on a book…

oh shit, got a right clever one ‘ere

it’s a political non-fiction

so a real clever one then

i enjoy the subject

i imagine you did quite well at school

i did ok

i didn’t like school much, left after GCSEs

oh right

but y’know, did alright in the end


got a good job, me own place

where is it that you live?

i just live in Croydon. and you?

i’ve just moved actually, i’m now in Hoxton.

that’s a bit hipster that is

oh i love it

bit too cool if yeh ask me

i see. what’s Croydon like?

yeah, it’s a laugh. me mates all live nearby. got a great local…

have you always lived there?

oh yeah, me whole life. wouldn’t move.

have you been on many of these dates?

oh a few like. it’s alright i guess. whats abouts yous?

i haven’t as a matter of fact. this would be my first.

yous well posh. “as a matter of fact.”

oh. er. thank you, i suppose.

isalright. just teasing yeh. is well good to be posh. yeh get more jobs i fink.

i like to think that talent counts more these days…

yeh, but if yeh sound like me, turning up at the likes of The Times…

not at all. there are all backgrounds working at the paper.

oh yeah? like me as well.

of course. in fact, some of the best investigative journalists grew up on council estates…

yehs think i’m council then?

i wasn’t saying that. I was merely giving an example.

yeh, yeh.

listen, these things matter much less than they used to

bet theys didn’t drop out like me

you’d be surprised. a lot left school and got jobs on the paper and worked their way up.

yous gotta have real drive though

absolutely. this is true of all things in life.

nah. me jobs a solid nine tah five. get in and go to the pub afters.

but you no doubt had to work your way up?

as long as yeh make yeh calls, and stick it out, you get promoted like.

i see

dead easy. just well boring.

but as you said. allows you financial freedom and your own home.

yeah. i guess. what’s the food like ‘ere?

oh it’s delicious. French bistro style.

oh no. i’m not gonna get frogs legs and snails am i?

i’m not sure they’re on the menu. they have fish…

i ‘ate fish

they have ox cheek

oh, what’s that then?

slow cooked… ox cheek.

nah. sounds disgusting.

perhaps chicken?

is it like the breast? i don’t like skin, or bones. I like nuggets and breadcrumbs…

you might be out of luck there.

shall we go somewhere else. there’s a few places i saw on my way ‘ere

if you would prefer. anything particular?

yeah. i saw a Garfunkels. let’s get down there.

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